and now we're down to 14 chefs. more manageable? i hope so.
the sad sack
apparently there's a top chef birthday curse in new york where chefs had been eliminated on their birthdays...and it's stefan's 40th birthday! should he be worried?
quickfire: our guest judge today is daisley gordon of marche. the chefs have to pair up into teams of two. how the heck does beardie II end up with tucker??? it's not even like they were the very last two left that nobody wanted. is this a stunt to guarantee more airtime for the both of them? the challenge: make breakfast to go...on a stick. huh? daisley provides his pantry and they have to go shop for their cooking equipment...in an hour.
-not sure what team sara gilbert/aussie were doing but by the time they go to get food there are no eggs or dairy left. don't you know this is a QUICKfire? so they decide to make a european pancetta summer berry thing instead. comments are how delicious it is but it doesn't look substantial enough or terribly complex.
- team NDFC brooke/stefan are doing a pressed croque monsieur (aroo?) using ham, cheese, toasted fig and challah. holla!
it's hilarious to watch the scuttle butt in sur la table - especially sir bart trying to get around huge CJ and not having much success.
- team model/soul patch have joined forces because they're youngest. ok sure. they make a bacon & cinnamon waffle with cantaloupe.
- team beardie II/tucker are making breakfast tacos. again WHY did these two pair up when they clearly don't like each other??? how nice for the producers.
- team CJ/sad sack is making salmon on stick with a cream cheese arugla crepe. sounds yummy but how do you get that on a stick?
- team josie grossy/NDFC eliza is making ricotta raspberry pancake with sausage which looks like a napoleon on a stick.
- team sir bart/chilly willy make egg, pancetta, spinach & cheese paninis. all i know is sir bart is providing lots of visual comedy in this quickfire. between getting squashed by CJ at the store, going splat with the panini machine, and then doing lord-knows-what with some object on leg - it looks like he's going to town on himself...in a friendly way.
i just want to knock those forehead glasses off his head!
bottoms: sara gilbert/aussie with their berry pancetta and josie grossy/NDFC eliza with their ricotta pancake. the women are not doing well so far.
tops: sir bart/chilly willy with their panini and beardie II/tucker with their taco.
winner of the quickfire - sir bart and chilly willy! they are safe from elimination in the next challenge.
elimination challenge: chefs have to stay in the same teams for the elimination - too bad for beardie II but how convenient for the producers. the teams draw knives with various food ingredients which i assume can be found in pike place market. teams must make a lunch meal highlighting their ingredient.
- team sir bart/chilly willy draw salmon candy. their dish is candied salmon with a sweet and sour salad. i think i see some salmon roe in there. after this dish i think i'd be looking for some more lunch.
- team beardie II/tucker draw truffle popcorn. tucker is talking a mile a minute. beardie II looks like all he hears is "wonk-wonk-wonk wonk wonk." they make a pork tenderloin with popcorn grits. both of them have issues with what the other is doing yet neither is speaking up. do the realize that if their dish sucks THEY COULD GO HOME? idiots.
- team stefan/NDFC brooke draw rose petal jelly. duck with candied red cabbage.
- team CJ/the sad sack draw spicy dill pickles. neither of their ideas sound like they would highlight the pickle ingredient. but sad sack is definitely the more submissive of the two chefs so i'm sure they'll end up making CJ's pork burger with pickle topping.
- team josie grossy/NDFC eliza draw cardamom bitters. i didn't watch her season but i don't care for josie. i'm not seeing much talent and she's not likable. poor NDFC eliza.
- team sara gilbert/aussie draw coconut curry chocolate. aussie wants to pair it with fish but sara gilbert is full steam ahead on dessert so aussie feels a bit steam rolled. sounds like will bite her in the ass later. and then sara gilbert declares that neither of them are dessert people - THEN WHY DO A DESSERT?? they make a coconut curry chocolate mousse tart.
- team model/soul patch draw cheese curds. they make curds three ways - bechamel, fried and raw.
hates: all of them. they have decided to eliminate a whole team. and he confirms the last chance kitchen myth to the cheftestants but they're too busy cowering from tom's reprimand to react.
loves: no one. for the first time ever (i think) the prize is rescinded and every one is told they suck.
sad sack says "if it happens tomorrow, it happens...i guess we weren't as creative as those all guys wanted" and beardie II just explodes. why? because he's a SAD SACK. he really has no business being in this competition and he seems to lack the confidence/ego to be a real chef. he's still here while a capable, inspired chef like kuniko is gone. that's an injustice. go LCK!
this top chef healthy choice commercial is kind of cracking me up "for years i thought i hated children's laughter. i had no idea, i was just hungry."
stefan worries that the birthday curse is coming for him and lo and behold, his team is selected for the bottom of the bottom along with beardie II/tucker and CJ/sad sack. judges' table basically rips into all three teams although they seemed to lay less heavily into stefan/NDFC brooke. as a last ditch effort, CJ tries to throw the dessert team under the bus - even though they're not on the chopping block - calling it an "abhorrence" and "a debacle, it was diabolical, it was a travesty." and unibrow hugh zings him with "uh-oh, 'cause your burger was even worse." at least they all had a good laugh about it.
knife packers: CJ and sad sack. so now sad sack has validated his outlook and CJ is a failure bitch.
quotables:
"chrissy who? carla who? bye! next one in line..." - stefan on his love for the recently eliminated chefs
"women in the 1500's probably put them on them because they were smelly." - stefan on his elimination challenge ingredient of rose petal jelly.
"the cupboard is bare just like everyone's imagination today, evidently." - tucker after their poor performance at the elimination challenge.
"i would feel like a total, absolute, like, failure bitch." - CJ on regrets about competing again.
"if you get too much, it feels like you're eating somebody's grandmother." - hugh acheson on rose petal jelly. umm...yeah.
LAST CHANCE KITCHEN: so now kuniko must battle CJ and sad sack for the top spot. who will win it? since CJ so thoroughly dissed another team's dessert, tom announced that they will be making dessert for LCK. and since CJ works so well in a team, he has to work with sad sack on the dish so it has become kuniko vs/ CJ/sad sack. sad sack decides to grow a spine (or at least some cartilage) since it was CJ's burger idea that got them ousted in the first place. he suggests some kind of smoked fruit fritter while CJ throws in hay ice cream. sad sack also grows a personality "HAY ice cream???? ok, FREAK-O!" when sad sack calls you a freak, you know it's bad. why is there even hay in the pantry? kuniko is making a lemon curd with a cylindrical fruit compote and i'm afraid it won't be enough.
tasting: tom actually enjoys both dishes as they both have savory elements to them (olive oil, kuniko, really?). but in the end CJ/sad sack take the prize. and apparently sad sack's nickname for himself is T-dog. not T-bone or KoKo? dang it, i'm sad to see my mom has been defeated. i'm not sure what this "save a chef" thing is that bravo is doing - is it like last last chance kitchen?
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